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I’m opening a gym called, “Resolutions”. It will have exercise equipment for the first two weeks and then turn into a bar for the rest of the year.
I wanna kiss you on December 31st from 11:59 pm to 12:01 am, so I can have an amazing ending to 2016 and a beautiful beginning into 2016.
People treat New Year’s like some sort of life-changing event. If your life sucked last year, it’s probably still going to suck tomorrow.
Remember you can reset your resolutions on January 14th (Orthodox New Year) and February 8th (Chinese New Year). After that, even I can’t help you.
There have been many times in 2016, when I have annoyed you, distubed you, irritated you, and bugged the hell out of you….today I just wanna tell you I plan to continue in 2017 !
New Year’s Day: Now is the accepted time to make your regular annual good resolutions. Next week you can begin paving hell with them as usual.
Μy wishes for yοu, Great start fοr Jan, Love fοr Feb, Ρeace for March, Νo worries fοr April,Fun fοr May, Jοy for June to Nοv, Ηappiness for Dec, Ηave a lucky and wοnderful.
Keep the smile, Leave the tear, Hold the laugh, Leave the pain, Think of joy, Forget the fear. Be joyous, cause its a New Year.
Cοunting my Βlessings, wishing yοu more. Hοpe you enjoy Τhe New Year Ιn store.Ηave a joyous Νew Year, Μy dear friend. Ηappy New Year.
I have only one resolution. To rediscover the difference between wants and needs. May I have all I need and want all I have. Happy New Year!
What happened to the Irish man who thought about the evils of drinking in the New Year? He gave up thinking.
New Year 2017 Funny Jokes:
My New year’s resolution is to stop lying to myself about making lifestyle changes.
Knock Knock! Who’s there? Mary and Abby! Mary and Abby who? Mary christmas and a Abby new year.
What do you tell someone you didn’t see at New Year’s Eve? I haven’t seen you for a year!
New Year’s is just a holiday created by calendar companies who don’t want you reusing last year’s calendar.
On New Years, just remember: if your cup runneth over, you’ve probably reached your limit.
This new year I will be less sarcastic
and more positive and ill be very nice and kind
To everyone around me and my plan is not to screw up !
So far this year I’ve done well.
I haven’t gossiped, I haven’t lost my temper, I haven’t been greedy, grumpy, nasty, selfish, or overindulgent. I’m very thankful for that. But in a few minutes, Lord, I’m going to get out of bed, and from then on I’m probably going to need a lot more help.
Women get a little more excited about New Years Eve than men do. It’s like an excuse: you drink too much, you make a lot of promises you’re not going to keep; the next morning as soon as you wake up you start breaking them. For men, we just call that a date.
As the year draws to a close, happy revelers jam New York’s Times Square to watch the traditional dropping of the illuminated ball, while in Denver a mellower throng gathers to ring in the new year with the lighting of the 200-Foot Doobie.
On New Year’s Eve, Daniel was in no shape to drive, so he sensibly left his van in the car park and walked home. As he was wobbling along, he was stopped by a policeman. ‘What are you doing out here at four o’clock in the morning?’ asked the police officer.
Jemima was taking an afternoon nap on New Year’s Eve before the festivities. After she woke up, she confided to Max, her husband, ‘I just dreamed that you gave me a diamond ring for a New Year’s present. What do you think it all means?’ ‘Aha, you’ll know tonight,’ answered Max smiling broadly.
With the Chinese New Year there are dragons, parades, firecrackers. With New Years in America there are big parties, the ball drops in Times Square, you get drunk, tell someone you love them, and throw up on their shoes. With the Jewish New Year, we fast, we can’t turn on the lights, we confess our sins. Happy New Year. What a party. A bunch of guilty hungry people sitting in the dark.
At midnight, as the New Year was chiming, Max approached Jemima and handed her small package. Delighted and excited she opened it quickly. There in her hand rested a book entitled: ‘The meaning of dreams’.
John, at a New Year’s party, turns to his friend, Dave, and asks for a smoke.
“I thought you made a New Year’s resolution and that you don’t smoke,” Dave says.
“I’m in the process of quitting,” replies John with a grin. “I am in the middle of phase one.”
“Phase one?” asks David.
“Yeah,” laughs John, “I’ve quit buying.”
Why would I need a New Year’s
resolutions when I am Good just the way I am?
My goal for 2017 is to accomplish
the goals of 2016 which should have been done in
2015 & I promised myself I’ll do them
in 2016 and planned to do in 2017.
2009: I will get my weight down below 180 pounds.
2010: I will follow my new diet religiously until I get below 200 pounds.
2011: I will develop a realistic attitude about my weight.
2012: I will work out 3 days a week.
2013: I will try to drive past a gym at least once a week.
To kick start my New Year, I took an IQ test and the results were negative.
The trouble with jogging is that the ice falls out of your glass.
When I thought about the evils of drinking in the New Year.
I gave up thinking.
Definition of a hangover:
Wrath of Grapes.
A friend asks his friend 4 a cigrtte. His friend says
I think u made a Nw Yr resolution 2 quit smoking.
Da man says. I am in da process of quitting.Right now
I am in da middle of phase 1. What’s phase 1?
I’ve quit buying.
Happy New Year 2017:
We will open the book,
Its pages are blank.
We are going to put words on them ourselves.
The book is called Opportunity and
Its first chapter is New Years Day.
Oh My Dear, Forget Ur Fear,
Let All Ur Dreams Be Clear,
Never Put Tear, Please Hear,
I Want to Tell One Thing in ur Ear
Wishing u a Very “Happy New Year.
Renewal Of Friendship Contract 2016
After Serious And Cautious Consideration,
Your Contract Has Been Renewed For The Year 2016.
So, try to be more LOVING and CARING next year.
Take care of Me and Miss me.
Because, It’s Impossible To Find A Friend
Don’t lose Whom U Never Want To Lose.
Wish you a Very Happy New Year.
The New year’s rolling in;
We’re planning quite a bash.
We need to have you here.
So it will be a smash!
We really want to see you;
We hope that you can make it.
So help us make our party fun,
Or we might have to fake it!
Happy New Year 2017.